Saturday, July 28, 2012

Loo Locks

So you’re hanging at this new friend’s house for the first time. You’re a tad nervous as it’s the hyper kid from science club who can’t stop reciting the periodic table to the tune of Michael Finnigan. But never mind. You’re hanging in the laundry (as you do) bubbling chemicals for science fair when, oops a daisy, you need the loo. 

So off you trot to the toilet, walk in, turn around and go to lock the door like you have at home every day for your whole life (well, since you stopped obsessing over the potty and made some real friends at prison kindergarten). But your heart drops into your shoes as BOOM! There’s no lock. OMG, you think, what am I going to do?! (Could have used an interrobang just then). You have no choice so you drops your dacks and get it over as quickly as possible, heart pounding in ears as you stare at the door handle. Anyone could just walk in! Their Mum, Dad, siblings, dog, cat, fish, or the crazy friend themselves.

The curse of having no door handle on bathrooms doors is a First World Problem which can cause sweating, the shakes, anxiety and fainting. Who doesn’t want privacy as you empty the tank?! The number of times I have been walked in on is unbelievable and totes awkward. Imagine this: You’re having a shower when argh! Someone comes in to brush their teeth and sees you in all your glory. This could have all been avoided if bathroom door makers had spared a few minutes and dollars to put a lock on.  Another example is, say you are at a music festival and to your horror, you discover there are no locks on the portaloo doors. Think of the long lines of people waiting for the toilet, the worry of them coming in. And then bang! Some poor fellow opens the door on you with your skirt around your ankles, perching on the edge of the dirty seat and hundreds of people see you. The shame and embarrassment would be indescribable as they point and laugh.

Basically, people need to remember this: locks on loo doors are imperative for peace of mind, improves risk of heart failure and increases the quality of life.

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